Day 9: Being seen

It was in the grocery store. My list was short, my co-shoppers were alert, and I was well supplied with toddler distractions.

For whatever reason, on aisle #1 the youngest member of our group decided she was through with this trip and began to loudly voice her desire to be elsewhere and attempt to leap from the cart. The cart, I might add, that had the distinction of being The Only One in the Store Without a Seatbelt. Yeah. That one. Right up there with The Cart With the Wheel That Doesn't Swivel. Woe to the person who finds a cart that combines these two features.

I hear a lot about how God sees us. I know for a fact that He saw us then. So did about 17 other people who happened to be doing their weekly grocery shopping. I guess I always thought God saw us in the sense that He knows we exist. Or in the same sense we might tell our kids that Santa Claus is watching, so don't you dare mess up!

Anyway, Perfect Mother might have abandoned her cart and tried again after a nap (for the kid, not herself. Though that might not be a bad idea either.) But I can either be Perfect Mother by disciplining properly or I can be Perfect Mother by not starving my family. The two do not always coincide.

At the checkout:

Cashier: "How are you today?"
Me: "Great!"

a. I was not great
b. She knew I was not great
c. I'm not sure if b. makes a. better or worse

I then proceeded to attempt to bag my groceries while keeping my head down so as not to make eye contact with the store I was sure was criticizing everything about me.


Then I heard a voice: "Can I help you bag your groceries? I have a few minutes free."

No judgment. No irritation.

"I have four kids of my own so I know these things happen."

Five minutes later as I'm pushing the cart with one hand and snuggling a sniffling toddler with the other: "Can I help you to your car?"

He didn't seem to be much past high school. "I have nieces and nephews," he explained, as he pushed my cart, helped me load the back of the van, then returned my cart to the stall.

I don't know how God works. I don't know if those people felt a nudge or what. But in that moment, I knew God saw me in a way that I had never considered before. A way that offers help without any sense of judgment.

There are many more good days (like most parents, I know I have the best kids in the world) but on those rare bad days, it's good to know God sees me.